Titter ye not!

Ah, ladies and gentlemen, if I may—if I may, yes, thank you very much, you’re far too kind, far too kind indeed… Now, don’t be frightened, darlings, I’m only here to entertain you, not to rearrange your furniture, hmm? Oh, I see your little faces there, yes, yes, don’t look so shocked—we’re all friends, friends, aren’t we, hmm?

Now... listen! Quiet! Shut your mouths... I’ve come here for a serious talk about the state of the world. It’s about the... the... well, the English language. It’s gone global, you see? It’s everywhere! It’s been exported to every nook and cranny. And believe me, some of those crannies are very... ooh, no!

Titter ye not! It’s not a laughing matter. I’m talking about international relations. I was only saying to the girl in the wings—not that one, the one with the... well, never mind—I said, "It’s a heavy burden we carry, spreading our tongue across the continents."

Don’t! Don’t be so filthy! I’m talking about linguistics! But you see, that’s the trouble. We give them our words, and they send them back all... all... distorted. It’s the translations, you see. They don’t quite get the... the nuance. They lack the proper... stiffness of the British approach.

I went to a supermarket in... well, I won't say where, I don't want to cause an incident... but I was looking for a snack. Just a little something to nibble on in the privacy of my apartment. And I saw it. On the shelf. Proudly displayed!

Nay! Nay and thrice nay! It’s a jar of peanut butter. Peanut butter! Why are you laughing? You’re obsessed! I stood there just... staring at it. I couldn't bring myself to grasp it. I didn't want to be seen handling a jar of... well, you know. I’m sure it’s delightful, dear, but I’ve got a delicate constitution!

And it's not just food. In the Japanese section of The Pavilion Mall, I happened upon a display for a popular Japanese manga comic.

Ooh, don't! Stop it! Get thee hence! That’s the trouble with these global titles. They think it sounds... dynamic. They think it sounds... forceful. They don't realise that over here, in Blighty, it sounds like someone’s had a bad experience with a chicken vindaloo!

Honestly... give 'em an inch, and they take a yard... and we all know what happens when you start doing this in public... Shut your mouths!

Editor's (R) Note: L would like it to be made clear that R is not referring to L in any way whatsoever. She only happens to be in these shots for scale, and such product names/ terms have never been attributed to her at all. Never ever never. Never. Especially the last one. Nope. Never.